Dealing with Marital Discord

Can this marriage survive?
As Christy dragged herself out of bed, her body felt heavy and her spirits were low. Jack was already off to work. Christy was heartsick with the memory of last night’s fight. Had she really said those terrible things? Had Jack really looked at her with those cold eyes? Was their marriage ending?

At work, Jack struggled to concentrate. He knew that things weren’t the greatest at home, but had not been prepared for last night’s explosion. Christy had erupted in a startling and disturbing way, shattering the calm of their quiet home. What had set her off? He couldn’t even remember. She spoke so loudly and harshly that he couldn’t hear her words or catch her meaning. . .

Marriages can become strained . . .
The book of Genesis poetically describes the process of marriage by telling how people leave their parents and “become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). But many couples find that marriage is hard work, and the steps of leaving one’s parents and uniting with one’s spouse can easily deteriorate into mistrust, blaming, and withdrawal. …

. . . but they can be restored to health
Does this describe your marriage? Fortunately, there is hope. As it did for Christy and Jack, marital discord can point you to the need to seek positive change. Challenging as it may be to stay married or to rebuild a relationship that has become strained, help is available. …

Marital relationships, the Bible, and the Christian story
The central story of the Bible is about God’s coming to earth in Jesus, showing people how to experience and offer God’s love. The kind of love that Jesus showed in his life and death is captured by the Greek word agape—the kind of love that gives and receives unconditionally, always seeking the best for the other person. This love doesn’t simply spring up within us when we see an attractive person to whom we want to be close. God’s enduring love comes to us as a gift, even if we don’t think we deserve it.

But as followers of Jesus, we also grow in our ability to live in that kind of love. “Love is a feeling to be learned,” writes Walter Trobisch. The love of God, as Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13, is patient and kind, does not insist on its own way, and is not irritable or resentful. While we may be drawn to idealistic pictures of romantic love in our pop culture, we can count on God’s promises to give us love in our hearts that is more enduring.

We are stretched by this love as we practice it in our daily lives, in the gritty routines of grouchy partners, demanding children, and overfull schedules. …

Steps toward a wholesome relationship
You may have learned in pre-marital counseling that it’s okay to seek help when you struggle in your marriage. If you’re seeing the signs of marital discord in your relationship—blaming, lack of affection, withdrawal, unresolved conflicts, or power struggles—it might be difficult to admit you need help. You may think, “If my marriage needs help, then we’re really in trouble!” The opposite is closer to the truth. If you know how to ask for help, there is a better chance that your marriage will stay or become strong and be healthy. …

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